- Alright, alright, so these people
belong to Paramount, and not to me (I wish they did, especially
Chakotay... Sweet dreams, huh? ) I`m just borrowing them for a while, I
promise I will give them back in the same shape... More or less, anyway.
So here goes my first J/C story - a drum roll, please - and if you think
it`s crap... THOUGH LUCK! But comments are welcome any day, just mail
me. Please don`t publish this anywhere without my consent - but do show
it to your friends! There`s sex in here - so do not read it if you`re
under age - your parents would kill me! (Like I really can check which
age you are anyway...)
Reflection in a Star
by Camilla Sandman
She didn`t really know why she woke up, but something felt instinctly wrong. The room was dark, only the dim star light allowed her to see the outlines of the table. The stars were barely reflected there, moving by so fastly. Otherwise, the room was dark. And empty. So what was wrong? Resting on her elbows, Kathryn Janeway glanced at the table, unable to lose the feeling of wrongness. She was in her chamber on Voyager, somewhere in the Delta Quadrant. Everything was as it should.
Then it hit her.
The dream. She had that dream again. The ship rocked gently, it felt almost like a craddle, rocking her gently to sleep. Only it couldn`t. So she closed her eyes briefly, remembering...
- She was on the ship, like always, but somehow, she knew it wasn`t the same. It felt deserted, empty, despite the people surronding her. She was alone. Chakotay`s image filled her vision, he was saying something, turning to go, she reached out to touch him, but she was a moment to late. Her hand grasped empty air. Somehow she knew he was going to die. A huge reddish star was appearing in front of Voyager. Reflections. He was gone. Dead. She was alone. Forever alone. Alone in the dark -
She couldn`t help shivering at the memory of it. It felt so real, she wanted to cry for the loss. But Chakotay was here, wasn`t he?
"Janeway to Chakotay."
His voice responded in that soft way of his, it was like a wave washing over her, removing the feeling of loss. But not that of being alone.
"Captain?"
She couldn`t bring herself to reply at once, afraid her voice might still shake.
"Captain, is something wrong?"
His voice was heavy with concern for her, and she finally managed to get words out of her mouth.
"No, Commander. Is everything running smooth at the bridge?"
She didn`t really hear his answer, it didn`t matter, not as long as he was still there. Alive.
The doorbell sounded a while later, and somehow she knew it was him. Oh, it could be any of the crew checking on her, but she knew it was him, looking a bit uncomfortable for intruding on her privacy, but mostly concerned.
She allowed him to enter, and he stood just inside, not wanting to intrude any futher. Oh, she knew him well.
"Captain... Kathryn..."
The use of her first name made her twitch inside. He made it sound so sweet.
"You`ve seemed somewhat..." He struggled for the words, not wanting to offend her or push her in any way.
"Disturbed the last couple of days. Is there anything I can..."
He didn`t finish the sentance, just looked at her. She couldn`t face his eyes, his wonderfully dark eyes, so she turned toward the window, her eyes fixed on the stars.
"It`s just this dream I`ve been having."
Was that really her voice? She couldn`t remember speaking the words, but she could hear them hanging in the air.
"It`s probably nothing, I just... It makes me feel so alone."
She didn`t hear his steps, just suddenly felt his breath against her back.
"You`re never alone, Kathryn."
Her body was so tense she couldn`t move a muscle. Did he see it? Could he feel the tension?
"You`ll never be alone." His voice was so soft, so quiet it was almost a whisper.
His hand touch her shoulder, spreading a fire through her body. Oh, he had touched her many times before, but somehow this seemed more...
Electric.
***************************
Was she aware of the effect she was having on him? Standing there in the dim star light she was more Kathryn than he had ever seen her, not since...
New Earth.
But after that she had become the Captain again, and he was her First Officer. She let a little of Kathryn get through once in a while, but never as much as now. She let him touch her, and he could feel her shiver, her skin was so soft under his palm.
Briefly, he closed his eyes, remembering that time on New Earth when he had... No, no. He couldn`t think about that right now. The sensation was to much, he desperatly wanted to turn her around, make her face him and see his own desire reflected in those wonderful eyes of hers. But he wouldn`t push her. Not her. He wanted it to be right.
******************************
She could feel her own body shiver, and suddenly an intense need to feel him even closer came to her. Here, in the dim starlight, she could pretend they were on the planet again, the he was only Chakotay and she were only Kathryn. She needed to feel close to someone.
She turned to face him and he looked surprised at her, his face so open and soft it made her heart jump. And his eyes... She couldn`t bear his gaze, so she pulled him closer, cathing him by surprise as she let her lips meet his, just for a second. The breif touch was enough to make her heart pound wildly, she pulled back, only to let her arms encircle his neck and pull him even closer. This time she let her lips linger on his for a while. They felt so warm and soft and the feeling seemed to echo through her body.
*********************************
The kiss had caught him by surprise, but his body responed at once, execited by the brief touch. He wasn`t sure what to do as she pulled back, but when she pulled him closer, her fingers playing with the hair at his neck, his brain had stopped thinking. It felt so good, just as he had imagined it so many times. She seemed to wait for him to respond and so he slowly parted her lips and she allowed him to explore her mouth. Gently at first, not believing it to be true, but more secure when she didn`t resist him. His arms went to her waist without thinking, pulling her even closer.
*******************************
She had closed her eyes, wanting only to feel his body close to hers, his hair under her palms, his lips on hers. To wash away the feeling from her dream. Is that all you want, Kathryn? a small voice inside her asked silently, but she ignored it. She didn`t want to think tonight, only feel.
He had started to caress her lower back, to plant little kisses on her face, as if intent on kissing every centimeter of it. His breath was slightly ragged, like she would imagine her own was. She wanted to feel more of him, so she let her own lips start exploring his face, tracing his jaw, down to his neck and planting a love bite there. That seemed to wake him up, because he jerked back, cathing her wrists gently in his hands.
*********************************
His head was swimming, overwhelmed by the feeling of her, the touch of her lips on his skin. The brief kisses was almost as exiting as their first, deep kiss. Almost. How can one compare two sunrises? his brain thought dimly, but what was importent was Kathryn Janeway, willingly in his arms.
Suddenly he felt her teeth against his skin. The short pain was enough to make his head stop swimming, his senses returning. He quikly pulled away, cathing her wrists before she could pull him back and make him change his mind. How could he have forgotten the look on her face when he entered? She just need someone to comfort her, you fool! the voice in his head cried mercyless.
"Kathryn.... I..."
She finally opened her eyes to meet his gaze, her eyes sparkling angrily toward him.
"Why did you stop!?"
It was a demand, a Captain`s demand. He shook his head.
"You don`t want me, you just want someone..."
The words escaped him, and he just stood there, looking helplessly at her. She tried to struggle herself loose, and with a small groan he let her go, waiting for her to yell at him.
But she just stood there, her eyes still sparkling.
"You want me, Chakotay, don`t deny it."
Her voice was low, purring, inviting. He shook his head again.
"I do, but..."
She didn`t let him finish, instead she grapped a handfull of hair, forcing his mouth back to hers. He seemed to hesitate a second before pulling back again.
"Not like this. I want you to want me."
"But I do."
Her voice was firm, and this time he didn`t fight back as she pulled him back.You`ll regret this the voice in his head whispered, but he had no fighting strengh left. This was Kathryn, his Kathryn who was kissing him. And all his doubts vansihed from his brain as she began pulling at his uniform, anxouis to get it of.
*****************************'
She felt more intense this time, wanting to get the fabric seperating his body from hers out of the way, to feel warm flesh, skin against skin. His hands were moving down her body, past he waist, resting there a few seconds before continuing downwards as she was finally able to remove the upper part of his uniform.
She inhaled sharply at the sight of his muscleous chest, his strong arms, his broad shoulders. But he sat down, gently stroking her feet before he moved his hands up again, this time taking her nightgown with him, slowly pushing it up until she impatiently moved it the rest of the way, exposing her naked body to him.
***********************************
The sight of her naked body removed the last objecting thoughts, and he felt himself grow hard. Her body trembeled under his touch, but her eyes were clamped shut and a sadness washed over him, but disappeared again in the flow of sensations.
He cupped one of breasts, feeling the weight in his hand and moved forward to gently suck on it. She responed at once by beginning to tug on his waistband, to get the last of the clothing out of the way. As soon as she had done that, she began to back a bit, falling against the bed.
He fell with her, for a second he was afraid his weight might crush her, but she seemed to welcome it, pulling him as close as she could.
She pulled his head up, leveling it with hers and he noticed she had closed her eyes again. The sad feeling returned. She`s probably pretending you`re Mark! the voice of reason told him, but his body seemed to have a life on its own, his hands moving over her body, caressing it.
**********************************
She had her eyes firmly closed, not wanting to spoil the illusion that they were on New Earth. Small moans were beginning to escape her throat, her body seemd to be building tension, every touch bringing her closer. She wasn`t aware of anything but his body close to hers, her nails digging into his back as his hands went between her legs. A small cry escaped her lips when his tounge started making circles on her abdoman. God, it had been a long time.
And just who`s fault is that, Kathryn? a small voice cried, but she barely heard it, his touch left her skin so sensetive she wanted to cry for him to stop, then thinking she would die if he did. It went on for what seemed forever, but he still wasn`t close enough, she wanted him inside her, to feel one with him. So she his face up to level hers, allowing him entry.
******************************
It felt like the joinging of two souls, just like he had always imagined it. He couldn`t get enough of her, wanting even more.
She began to match his rythm and he felt more than heard her small cries. He locked his mouth in hers as he felt her climax, match by his just after. They didn`t move for a while, their bodies still locked in each other, but her eyes were still closed. He wanted desperatly to see her expression, to know it was true, but she turned away, her back against his chest. Trouble his thoughts told him, but he didn`t really register it, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
*****************************
The room was dark when he woke up, his hands reaching for her body but not finding it. For two painfull seconds he thought it was just another dream, then he realized it was her quaters. The smell of her was heavy in the air, but she was gone.
The tension laid heavily in the air at the bridge. He could see her sitting in the Captain`s chair, and only the sight of her was enough to make his heart pound. He began moving toward her, but seeing her face, he almost froze. Strictly professional.
What do you expect? Her falling into your arms in front of the crew?
"Commander."
Her tone was acknowleding, like always, but at least there was a faint red blush in her cheeks.
"Captain. Sleep well?"
He couldn`t help adding the sacrasm and he could see her cheeks grow hotter.Damnit, you`re ruining it!
But at least she could have... He sighed, moving to sit down beside her, but instead she stood up, turning to him but still not facing his gaze.
"May I see you in my ready room, Commander?"
She started to walk before she could see if he followed.
****************************
"What was that?"
She started to yell almost before the door was closed behind him.
"What was what? I was just being polite, *Captain*."
The sarcasm was obvious now, but she could hear the hurt in his eyes as well.
"Let`s just forget yesterday ever happened."
She didn`t look up at him as she said it, but she could practically hear his heart sink.
"This was what I was afraid of. Kathryn..."
His voice had a desperate plea, but she couldn`t allow herself to listen to it. The memory of the night was to fresh, his gentle caresses, his passionate kisses, her.... No, no, she couldn`t go there.Unaware, she shook her head.
"I can wait."
His voice was warm, caring and she looked up at him briefly, seeing the warmth in his eyes as well.
"Captain."
He nodded politely, then turned to leave. A sudden urge to touch him came over her, and she lifted her arm, but too late. Her hand grasped empty air. The door closed behind him.
"Oh, Chakotay..." she sighed, not knowing if it were meant for him or her.
"Captain to the bridge."
Pushing her feelings away, she snapped into command mode and lept out of the door.
"Report."
"We are picking up some unknown readings from a star in a solar systems nearby."
"On screen," she said, sighing. They picked up unknow readings every day. This was the Delta Quadrant, after all.
As soon as the monitor came on, she felt her heart sink.
A huge reddish star was appearing in the air. It glittered slowly, strangely. Reflecting everything around it. For a second she thought she saw her own reflection there, alone, by her own choise.
- Reflections in a star -
The dream.
Oh, God she managed to think. Then all hell broke loose.
*********************************
Go to part two Reflections of You
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