Disclaimer: Yes, yes, Paramount own Star Trek and all the characters. I own the story. My dad own the computer. There, now that we all are clear on that, let`s move on, shall we?
Goodbye
written by Camilla Sandman
All things come to an end. I knew it, still I refused to see the truth. I thought he would always be here, that I had time to wait. Time to find the right way of telling him, the perfect moment of admitting, comitting and sharing. But there are no such things as perfect moments. There are only here and now. And so I let life slip away, chasing the after, not the now.
This was goodbye. We had reached home, the end of out journey. And we all went to different places.As we said our goodbyes, I could see the question in his eyes. The question we both feared, but filled the air every time we looked at each other. A question with a wish, a dream, a hope.
A wish for us.
A dream of us.
A hope for us.
He finally stepped up to me, the air thick of questions, wishes, dreams, hopes. His dark eyes drank me in, as mine do him.
"Kathryn..."
My breath stopped dead, and I could feel my courage falthering.
I had decided to tell him.
Tell him all. That from the moment I saw him, something inside me melted. Something long dead awoken, but so well hidden. Tell him that those months on New Earth I were truely happy, that if there were only us... Tell him of all those nights I turned in bed and longed for his strong arms around me to take the loneliness away. Tell him that I loved him. And that I wished, dreamed, hoped for us to happen.
I had never kissed this man in front of me. Never let his hands explore my naked body, or let mine explored his. I have never woken up in the arms of this man. Still I knew, without doubt, that I loved him.
Were it only us in the universe, Chakotay....
I know how it would be now. How we would be. You would let me lead, letting me set the pace, not wanting to push me in any way. You are always too good to me. I would embrace you, clinging on while you just gently hel me. And when I felt comfortable and safe, you would let your lips rest on my chin. Your breath would hardly touch my skin at all. Again you would wait for me to stop, to reconsider. But as time passed, and I didn`t, you would move your lips till they found mine.
Our first kiss would be gentle as a morning breeze. Your lips would feel warm on mine, your hands would make patterns on my back as you held me close. I would play with your hair at the back of your neck, all my doubts vanishing. And the kiss would deepen, just as our feelings would. You would explore every part of me, hungry, greedy after waiting so long.
And finally we would become impatient, wanting each other badly, pulling each other clothes off as we stood. We would take time to explore each other, but out greed and longing would became too strong and we would take each other fast and passionatly.
Afterwards we would just lie there, resting in each others arms, taking time to believe the dream coming true, admitting we loved each other.
I know how it would be. How it should be. But we are not alone in the universe, Chakotay, and I am too afraid.
So my eyes darted away from yours. And my heart broke.
You stood heartbroken there a second too, before lightly brushing your lips on mine.
"Goodbye."
I should have said something. Called you back, making it as it should be.
But I only stood there, the feeling of his lips still on mine, the feeling of my soul leaving hanging in the air...
"Goodbye," I whispered.
PART TWO
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