DARK CLOUDS

by Camilla Sandman and Kathryn Murphy

Author`s Note and Disclaimer (Cam): Gee, Paramount owns Voyager, I bet none of you knew that. The idea is mine however, with a little help from Kadith in planning it.. But I couldn`t have done it without my wonderful co-writer, AQUIEL!! Any words for your fans, Aqui?

Author`s Note and Disclaimer (Aquiel): Um, my fans? I do believe you meant �Our Fans'! I'll keep this short and sweet, because I know you want to get on with the story, but I would just like to give my thanks to Cam, for giving me the opportunity to help with this story. It's a wonderful idea, and I can only hope that I lived up to her expectations. Thanks:)

Part Two

I feel..

Pain. Stabbing at me, forcing me back from.. somewhere. I try to move, but I feel so heavy.. So heavy. Tired. I want to sleep. Sleep in her arms, sleep forever. I am tired, so tired..

"Don`t sleep, Chakotay."

Kathryn? I can hear her. Not in my mind, but in my soul. Begging me to wake, to open my eyes, look at her. But I am so tired, my eyes feels so heavy..

"Don`t sleep, baby, don`t sleep.."

I feel..

You Kathryn, calling me back. Urging me to fight. And so I fight, forcing my eyes open. Only to look at you.

But I can see only smoke and blood. I am in the shuttle, covered in debris, in smoke. Bleeding, hurt badly. But alive. Still alive. You are fading away, like a dream as you`re about to wake.

"Wait for me Kathryn, I`m coming," I try to call out, but it`s only a hoarse whisper. You`re gone. No. I will come to you. You need me. Even though you cannot admit it, you need me. As I need you.

Trying to move my arm, to reach out, the pain stabs through me, and the world goes black.

**********

I am... somewhere warm, comfortable, safe. I can feel a warm sun in my face, a friendly wind on my body.

I feel..

Healed.

"Kathryn?" I call out, and soft laughter answers me.

"Your Kathryn is not here. She must be very special to you."

I fix my gaze on my animal guide.

"You are healed," it says simply, "sleep now."

I sleep.

********

I wake up alone, cold, on the floor of the shuttle. For a second I fear I am dying, but my heart beats.

It takes a few hours to fix the shuttle, but I can do it. The pain feels distant, like an echo weaking with each repeat.

I feel..

Alive.

I`m coming home, Kathryn. I`m coming home.

***********
POV change
***********

Weeks. Gods was it that long ago? Weeks, Months ago my life was completely turned around.

Forever.

The incident. That is what they are calling it now. I think they believe it's easier on me, if they just refer to it as �The Incident'.

God damn them. It isn't just an incident to be filled away under some heading in a report; it was the death, and loss of a valued crew member.

They still don't talk to me. When I walk into the room, everything stops. It's as if they have a sixth sense on when I will appear. Just once, I would like to hear them. Only once I would like to walk into the mess hall, and have them acknowledge me; not as their Captain, but as their....friend.

I know I pushed them all away in the beginning, but I told myself I didn't need them. But time and again, they all came back, urging me to accept what life had delt me, and to move on.

I told them to leave me the hell alone.

And they did.

I hope...

I didn't think about you today. That's never happened to me before.

It scared me.

I was sitting on the bridge, staring out at the stars, but I was thinking about...home. It would almost be October back on Earth; the leaves would just be beginning to change color, the Academy would be accepting the eager faces of their newest recruits.

I wish I was back home.

In a way, I wish I had never accepted the command of Voyager; or the mission into the Badlands.

Do you know how much simpler things would have been?

We would still be home, you would still be alive, and I wouldn't have the constant weight of guilt resting over my heart.

I hope...

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

**************
POV change
*************

I see it!

Gods, what a beautiful sight. She's staring out at me; guiding me like a beacon in the dark.

Guiding me home.

I didn't think I would ever feel this way about seeing Voyager. But, I've been gone for so long now, what I wouldn't give to just sink back into my seat, and close me eyes.

Forever

I dream...

Forever is such a long time. How can one define a period of time in which the most important things in life are missing? It's impossible.

I'm flying this little ship like never before; moving and turning in space, trying to get there as quickly as possible. Dodging stars and debris, and all the while, keeping one eye on the biggest star in space, making sure that she doesn't leave me again.

Gods, it feel as though hours are moving with the passing of each minute. I want... I need to see her. She is the only thing that has been keeping me alive these past few weeks.

My Kathryn

My beautiful angel, keeping watch over me, on the longest nights, out there by myself.

I dream...

When the pain was too much to bear, I would close my eyes, see her smiling face, and feel her warm hands, as they touched my arms.

And when nightmares started claiming my dreams, she was there, to wipe away my tears, and just hold me.

There is so much I need to tell her.

For years, we danced around, neither of us taking the time to think things through. We made one mistake after another.

There are so many people in this Universe who can only dream of finding their one true friend, their soul mate.

I've found mine, and I'll be damned if I let her get away from me again.

I dream...

Everything is going to be alright now.

***
POV Change
***

Far, far away I can hear the combadge beep. It doesn`t matter. Nothing does anymore. I`m drifting.. Drifting further and further away, my head under water. How strange a feeling.. breathing water. Everything is so clear here. So soothing. Waves rocking me back and forth, singing a strange lullaby. A strange lullaby it is, for it is my own.

"Captain?"

Through a sea of bottles I locate the combadge, pushing it lightly.

"Yes..."

Even my voice is far away. My spirit has left the empty shelter that is my body. I cannot say I blame it. Soon, soon it will be over. I`ll make it be over. Sleep, sleep, in the sea.

"Captian.. Commander Chakotay.. he`s back."

For a second, something in me awakens, something long dead. My heart. It beats still, like a clock, not skipping a beat. My hearts beat.. I am alive..

For a second, I can feel joy.. but also pain, pain beyond withstanding, stabbing at me. I killed his baby. The pain.. is too much.. Better to be dead, to not feel.

For a second, I can see the paths ahead of me.. One leading into the light, to the living.. and one leading deeper into water.

I love him. My heart has always known. But it doesn`t really matter. I am dead already. Long dead. It is too late. I am drifting, drowning in a sea of bottles, drowning by own choise. Sometimes the price of living is too much.. Too high..

He is too late to save me.

I am.. breathing the water of death.

***
POV Change
***

I am back. I am on Voyager. Home. At last. Yet.. something is missing. She isn`t here, among the welcome home party. Not here to greet me with the smile I have cheated death to see again. Not here to whisper in my ear the words I have lived to hear.

Have I come so far, and yet nowhere at all?

"Commander?"

To think I have even missed the Doctor`s nasal, upstick voice.

I answer him with a smile, now I am home for real.

"I think you should know.. there`s a problem with the Captain."

Strange how fast the world can come crashing down at your feet. How fast joy turns to sorrow, certaincy to fear.

What has brought me back may be lost forever. I can see it in their faces. No words need to be spoken. She is lost. All this, just to get here too late? Have I cheated death only to die a slower, more painfull death, the death of my soul?

No. No. I will not let this happen. She has guided me back to life. I will do the same for her.

"I could do nothing to save the baby, and I am afraid she took it badly. You may..."

The background sound finally starts making sense again, slowly penetrating my denial.

Baby? Her baby? My... Baby?

I shake my head invlounteerily. It can`t be true. All this only to be.. too late?

Part Three

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