All the Days
By Camilla Sandman



Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Blue Heelers is the property of Channel Seven and its affiliates. I claim no ownership.

Summary: “All these days that passed / I did not know them to be life.” Life is never easy, but with a baby on the way, Tess has some troublesome – and wonderful – days ahead… Tess/Jonesy

Author’s Notes: This is an AU, an alternate universe where Tess is indeed pregnant by Josh, but things spin off in a different direction from there.

~~~~~~~~
All these days that passed
I did not know them to be life
- Stig Johansson
~~~~~~~~

The sun rose with a spectacle of light, seeming to burn the skies and the clouds as it chased darkness away yet again. The eternal cycle; day became night became day became night. Forever and always time went on, day by day, heartbeat by heartbeat.

Tess Gallagher could feel her heartbeat echo through her body, beating for two now. A fragile heartbeat, so easily drowned out and engulfed by darkness. It seemed so strange that such a fragile thing could mean so much.

Life. Her life and her unborn child’s. She dared not think of it by name yet, as if a name would curse it. She didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. A part of her hoped for a girl, a daughter she could raise to make the world more beautiful. A part of her hoped for a boy, a son she could see Jonesy teach soccer and grin proudly at.

Strange how Evan had snuck his way into her visions of the future, bit by bit. Now she could not envision the future without him there, even though she dared not admit it. It was a morning fantasy, a little shelter from reality before she got up and faced the day. Just a little fantasy.

He’d asked her to marry him when he had found out she was pregnant, an act so stunning she sometimes wondered if it was part of the fantasy. It wasn’t his child. He had no obligations to do anything and owed her nothing. Yet he had asked her to marry him.

In her little morning fantasy, she had said yes. A silly little fantasy. In real life, he was only her friend, even if he had promised to be by her through the whole pregnancy and beyond. She had just asked for friendship, but the moment had seemed so filled with much more. She didn’t really dare to consider what.

The alarm clock went off, its shrill sound tearing through the fantasy and heralding day. With a sigh, she rolled over and smacked it silent. She let one hand rest on her stomach for just a second longer, marvelling again that there was a life growing inside her. One heartbeat for two lives.

The day promised to be warm and lazy, the sun burning white in the sky as she ventured out. One or two clouds drifted lazily, seeming to be in no hurry at all. The weatherman had promised rain this day, but the light clouds of white fluff looked devoid of any rain at all. If rain was coming, it was still hiding beyond the horizon in dark clouds.

The horizon always hid dark clouds. Perhaps just as well, sometimes it was best not to know what storms were to come.

The station was quiet as Tess entered, Jo and Ben giving her a muted greeting as she slipped in. Evan was nowhere to be seen, and she chided herself for feeling a sting of disappointment. Hormonal imbalance, that was all.

A moment later, his soft humming came drifting through from the lockerroom, sounding upbeat. She forced herself to walk slowly in its direction, resisting the impulse to run.

He looked up as soon as she entered, his gaze seeming to devour her whole.

“Sleep well?”

“Dreamlessly,” she replied, smiling.

He grinned at her, seeming to take delight in her delight. He was happy because she was happy. She didn’t know why that meant so much to her, but it did.

“Kid didn’t keep you up kicking and demanding to be let out?”

“It’s still early days, Evan.”

“I know.” He gave her a wink, looking very pleased with himself. “I’ve been reading this book…”

The door opened to reveal Jo, looking curious at their good mood. “We had a report of a heated fight. Someone driving past the Gorge reckon he saw two men going at it.”

“We’ll take it,” Tess replied. “Come on, bookworm. Let’s get some actual work done.”

Jonesy smirked at her as they walked out. “You need to learn to appreciate the joys of literature. I have just the book for you to start with.”

“Dare I ask?”

“Kama sutra. Very stimulating bedtime reading.”

“You’re impossible,” she informed him, but even to her own ears she sounded hopelessly gushy. Hormones, for sure.

“No, just cheeky,” he replied, opening the car door for her. She gave him a suitably stern look before getting in, wondering if he’d next start carrying cushions for her to sit on. He had been acting a bit as if she was made of glass of late. Baby or no baby, she could still open the doors herself and carry her own things. She could manage on her own; she didn’t need to depend on him, even if she wished to.

She got the car in gear, concentrating on her driving before her mind could run onto complicated trains of thoughts. Her life was troubled enough, and she’d just managed a balance between having him as close as she needed and keeping him as distant as she felt comfortable with. It was a tricky balance; the last thing she needed was to upset anything.

He gave her a sideway look as they drove on, but said nothing until they reached the Gorge. A van was parked across the road recklessly. The engine was still humming, but it was otherwise quiet.

“Driver seems to have gone missing,” Evan observed, eyeing the horizon. “He can’t have gone far.”

She nodded, eyes sweeping across the ground until something red on the ground caught her attention. “Evan…..”

He followed her gaze. “Is that blood?”

“Yes. You better radio it in, I think we have a situation on our hands.”

He nodded, a hand resting on his gun. She kept her own hand hovering by her side, scanning the area tensely. A light breeze swept up some dust, tossing it away a second later. She bent down by the blood, only then noticing something was under the car. A man, gun aimed at her.

The van’s engine coughed and died. Even before her hand reached for the gun, she felt something hard crash against her head and her vision turned white and painful.

She wanted to call out to Evan, to warn him, but her body seemed to slip out of her control and become distant. The sun seemed to lose its light, and thankfully the pain started to die away. She more smelt than felt the dust, realising she had fallen to the ground and that a gun was pointed at her.

The last thing she felt was her fragile heartbeat, sounding muted and alone.

Darkness embraced her.



Part Two

The sound tuned in slowly, like a radio coming to life, coughing slightly at first. It took her a moment to make out all the different sounds from the mass of noises blended together – breathing, engine, radio, wheels, voices.

As the sounds started to sort themselves out, feeling started returning to her as well. Something was pounding away at her head, something cold gnawed into her wrists and something soft was stroking her neck.

“Tess?”

“Hmmm?”

“Tess, look at me. Please?”

Her eyelids felt so heavy she was sure a boulder rested on each and her body protest the very idea of any effort.

“Tess, please.” His voice held a tone of desperation and she found herself unable to resist. At first she thought she was blind as darkness continued even as she struggled to get her eyes open. But gradually she started to make out shapes and shades of grey. Some light was streaming through little holes, but it only seemed to reinforce the darkness around.

She more felt than saw Evan, realising suddenly she was resting in his lap. A hand was stroking along her jaw line gently, mental softly clinking with metal.

Handcuffs. He was handcuffed, and the metal gnawing into her hands told her she was as well.

“What happened?” she slurred, trying to sit upright. A sharp bolt of pain stopped her short, and she fell back with a groan.

“The convicts from New South Wales that everyone was looking for, we found,” Jonesy explained, a touch of humour in his voice. “One of them has been stabbed, but our arrival made them patch things up.”

“Touching.”

“Yeah. I’m so glad we’re able to help escaped murders reconcile.”

It wasn’t really funny, and his laughter sounded more bitter than anything. She closed her eyes for a moment, a dreadful fear besetting her. Her child. It wasn’t just her life at stake. And Evan…..

“I can’t watch you die,” she muttered.

“Hey, no one’s going to die. If they wanted to kill us, they could have. The station will know we’re gone and mount a search. We’ll get through this, all three of us.”

She wondered if he was reassuring himself or her. For a while they said nothing, listening only to the van drive on and the muffled conversation from the front seat. She couldn’t see through to the front, obviously some wall had been installed over the window. Music from the radio was also mingling with the voices, making it a strange symphony of sound. She wondered if it would be her funeral march.

Carefully, she lifted her head again, and despite wincing at the pain, managed to get herself in a sitting position. Her gun was gone, of course, and she felt a pang of longing as her fingers brushed the holster. She felt almost naked.

The pain seemed to centre at the back of her head, and she felt her way to something sticky. Blood. Her blood. It was hard to judge how deep the gash was with her hands handcuffed and movement rather restricted.

“It’s not too deep,” Evan answered her unanswered question. He was so close she could feel his breath tickle her skin and the heat of his body radiating against hers. She let her hands find his, cradling her own against his palms.

‘Please don’t die,’ she wanted to say. Fragile, silly words. How many fragile, silly words had she not told him?

The van came to a screaming halt, breaks protesting the sudden abuse. Her body seemed to freeze, tension doubling the pain throbbing through her.

“Tess, if they pull over and you get a chance to run, just do it,” Evan whispered urgently.

“No!”

“I’ll distract them.”

“Don’t you dare, Constable,” she hissed, not sure if she was more angry or afraid. It would be just like him to do something so silly and rash.

The door was pushed open and daylight assaulted her vision. Blinking, she could only make out a dark shape before someone yanked her arm painfully. Instinctively, she resisted, but her head nearly erupted in pain when a hand pulled at her hair.

“Hey!” she heard Evan call out, then grunt in pain. She tried to free herself so see what was happening to him, but her vision went black and she fell gasping to the ground.

“Tess!”

“Easy mate, or she gets one between the eyes,” a voice snarled as she finally managed to focus her vision. Evan was on his knees some feet away, blood tickling from a cut above his brow. His eyes were dark and angry and he seemed ready to leap onto her attacker. She lightly shook her head, but his expression did not change. Damn him. If he tried anything, she was going to very slowly roast him.

The guy standing over her had a dirty bandage on his leg, spots of darkened blood on his pants. His hands seemed shaky as he clutched the gun and she managed to tilt her head to see he was sweating as well. He must have lost a lot of blood.

Evan saw it too; she could see his brow furrow as he took in the two guys, the parked van, the undergrowth and the nearby river.

“Who told you were we were?” the unhurt guy snapped. Newly bleached hair, she noted, his eyebrows didn’t match. He seemed the leader of the pair from his air of command and his agitation was making the other uneasy.

‘He thinks a friend has set him up,’ she thought, realising this was why they were still alive. He thought he had been set up, and he wanted to know. As long as he wanted something from them, they’d be kept alive.

“We had a phone call,” she said quickly. “They were still having the call traced when we left.”

He eyed her, clearly for and against the reliability of her statement. His gun kept hovering near Evan’s head, and she had no trouble looking afraid and willing to cooperate. If he knew she was bluffing, they’d be dead.

“We’re going to make a call and find out, or your mate here gets it, understood? No tricks.”

She nodded wildly, trying not to scream when she was yanked by the hair again and brought to her feet. Evan’s gaze never left her face as he got slowly up to.

‘Can you run?’ he mouthed, clearly realising the same as her.

‘Not without you,’ she mouthed back. He nodded slowly, lifting his gaze from her to the river. The van couldn’t cross the river, so it would have to drive around to find a crossing.

The leader turned away, reaching for a cell phone and lowering his gun. Tess didn’t hesitate for a second, kicking her captor right in the bandaged area. He tumbled backwards, crashing into his buddy and both onto the ground.

She ran the moment she saw the two fall, Jonesy already overtaking her. Her legs threatened to buckle under her, but her will was stronger than her pain. Fear seemed to give her wings too, for before she knew it, cold water greeted her.

For a moment, she went under, swallowing water as she tried to breathe. Straining, she reached for the light with all the strength she had. Just as she thought there was no end to the water, she broke through the surface with a gasp. Her hands were little use with the handcuffs, but she managed to tread water. She could hear shooting, and saw Evan go under again.

She followed his example, remembering to keep her mouth closed this time and her eyes open. The water moved around her gently, until something grabbed hold of her clothes and pulled her upwards. She tried to hit out, but as she felt a cold cheek against hers, she realised it was Evan’s.

He had pulled her up under a grass knoll hollowed slightly by water. Somewhere near, she could hear angry voices and steps, obviously searching.

And the water moved on, lazily and slowly, as if life was in no hurry to pass at all, but had all the days of forever.

Right now, she’d settle for a tomorrow.



Part Three

It was as if time had seized to meaning, as if seconds had become minutes and minutes had become seconds. Tess had no real sense of how long the waters swirled around them while they waited, every second being a possibility of discovery. Her mind drifted out and in of her body, it seemed, for only every now and then she was aware of how cold she was and how tired her limbs felt.

“You with me?”

“Mmmhmm,” she muttered. It had gone quiet, and she started noticing the sky taking on a grey tone. Darkness was coming.

“We gotta get out of this water,” he whispered back, teeth clattering slightly. “Come on.”

It was painful to move, but it brought some warmth to her limbs. Carefully, she treaded water, trying to make as little noise as possible as they escaped from their hiding place. She could see no sign of the convicts, even the van was gone. Either they had decided to split – or they were out there hunting.

She reached out and felt grass under her fingers. Even as cold as she was, her body still seemed to sigh as she dragged herself out of the water. The air seemed even colder to her skin than the water for a moment, or perhaps that was just feeling returning to her.

Evan had also managed to crawl up, and looked at her for a moment with such affection it almost hurt. Then his eyes closed, and his head slumped against the grass.

“Evan, don’t fall asleep. W-we need to heat up,” she stuttered, tugging at his arm. When he didn’t respond, she tugged harder.

“Evan!”

“C-can we share body heat?” he asked, lifting his head slightly and grinning.

“Oh, you…!” She was too exhausted to whack him and for a moment neither managed to move much more. The coldness had become numbness and slight tickling, burning feelings in her fingers and toes. Her wrists looked bruised from the handcuffs, but she couldn’t discern that particular pain from all the other pains.

“T-that s-sounds like a car,” Jonesy muttered, lifting his head again. That brought feeling back to her, a cold fear setting on her spine. She stumbled to her feet, almost falling down again immediately. Water trickled off her as she moved, little cold rivers running down her skin.

It wasn’t quite a run they managed, more like a trot. Her legs felt more like wooden sticks than actual bone and flesh. She didn’t really look where she was heading, but it seemed all horizon anyway. Horizon and no sign of civilisation. She felt slightly dazed and not wholly herself. It was as if everything was being felt by someone else and she was just observing from a distance.

“Tess, Tess…”

She followed his gaze to see the small building in the distance, a beacon of possible warmth and rescue. It was enough to make her increase her speed to a half-stumble, half-run. As she got closer, she realised whatever the building was, it hadn’t seen the touch of human care for a long time. Paint was peeling off, rust clung to metal, the door hung ajar and the bushed had been left to grow wild. Still, it was shelter and warmth.

It seemed to have been a shed or stable, some old tools and paint boxes scattered about, and a large hay ball almost fallen apart at the seams in one corner. Though no horses about, some old saddles and covers hung over one beam.

Her eyes fell on a rusty saw and she reached for it with trembling hands. It took some effort to get it in a position where she could use it against the chain connecting the cuffs and the sound of steel on rusty steel was excruciating.

“This m-might be better.” She looked up to see Jonesy hold out a hammer, one flecked by paint, but rust-free.

It took ten swings before the chain finally gave way. Her shoulders seemed to wake up again with a sharp pain as she moved her arms to take the hammer and pound away at Evan’s chain. It seemed to take forever before it came apart and she could drop the hammer.

“We h-have to get out of these wet c-clothes,” she muttered, not looking at him. She reached for one of the covers turning her back to Evan as she started fumbling with her shirt. The wet fabric clung to her skin like a fitted glove, and she had to tear it away. Everything was soaked and cold and it was a relief when she could finally reach for the cover and wrap herself in it as best she could. Despite the roughness of the fabric, it felt wonderful and dry. The wet clothes she hid under a pile of hay, before finally turning around.

Evan had wrapped himself in a covering too, looking at her with an unreadable expression. Without a word, she closed her eyes and stepped towards him, into his embrace. A moment later, she let her own covering drop, letting him wrap them both in his. She sunk into the hay with him, eyes still closed. His skin felt as cold as hers, and the contact was painful at first. His hands rubbed her shoulders gently, warmth spreading painfully through her limbs.

“Better?” he whispered.

“Mmmm.”

“Not quite the day I’d hoped for.”

“No,” she acknowledged, finding herself slowly caress his palm with her fingertips. “We probably have the whole station worrying.”

“Mmm.” He sounded as tired as she felt, leaning his forehead against hers. She could feel his slow breath tickle her nose and one of his hands had dipped down to her stomach, as if trying to warm her baby too.

“They could have killed us.”

“They didn’t.”

“They could have,” she repeated, pressing his palm against her own and finally opening her eyes. His eyes were half-closed, and she could see the cut just above his eyebrows. It didn’t look too deep, but red and painful.

“You’re beautiful,” she whispered. He opened his eyes in surprise and she smiled softly at him.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Tess Gallagher. And you’ll have a wonderful daughter.”

“A daughter?”

“I have a feeling,” he said earnestly. “She’ll be a tall blonde and look like a Goddess. No man will be safe from her charm, but she’ll take her own path in life. She’ll make her mother proud.”

“If wish she was yours,” she blurted out. “I wish she didn’t have a father that betrayed me.”

“I wish she was mine, too,” he replied softly. “But she’s yours, and that’s enough for me.”

There was nothing but honesty and love in his face, and she buried her face against his neck. He smelled slightly of the river still, as did she, probably. The coldness seemed to seep out of her as he wrapped her even closer and she struggled against the desire to fall asleep.

Distantly, she heard the hum of a car.

“Did you hear that?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, rolling away from her and grabbing the hammer. The car came closer, pulling up nearby and then going silent. Evan had already gotten up and hid beside the door as Tess reached for the saw. A poor weapon, but it was something.

The light from a flashlight came in first, but the carrier was not one of the convicts. It had to be the owner, and the old man looked as surprised as them.

For a moment they all stared at each other, Tess wondering what he had to be thinking, given that Jonesy was wearing nothing and looking ready to attack with an old hammer.

She drew herself up, and tried to look as authoritarian as possible and keep her voice steady.

“Sergeant Tess Gallagher, Mount Thomas Police. Could we possibly borrow a phone?”



Part Four

The last sunray vanished beyond the horizon, leaving only a pale moon to fight the darkness. Slowly but surely stars joined in as well, little sparks of brilliant light in a vast blackness. And on the Earth, echoing lights shone from houses, as if trying to mimic the stars.

At the Mt. Thomas police department, lights shone as well, signalling that the long arm of the law had yet to sleep. Despite the desire to do so. Tess couldn’t remember the last time she had longed for her bed this much, for the warmness and comfort and safety. After today’s adventure, she felt like she could sleep for a year and still feel tired.

They had been picked up by PJ, brought to the hospital and answered so many questions Tess had almost wished they’d never been found, but could just have slept in the small outhouse forever. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, warm and comfortable and safe.

“You two had quite the adventure, didn’t you?” Jo asked jokingly, leaning over the desk with the look of a cat about to pounce upon a mouse on her face.

“I would hardly call it that,” Tess muttered, gazing over at Jonesy and PJ. The two men were engaged in a passionate discussion, PJ gesturing impatiently. She knew it was about the two missing convicts, who were still out there somewhere. Her skin tingled slightly at the thought, or perhaps it was the memory of the cold water. Even though the doctor had given her and Jonesy an all clear, she still felt cold.

“Oh, come on,” Jo went on, ignoring Tess’s rather reluctant tone. “I hear you and Jonesy..”

“Jo, it’s none of your business,” Tess snapped back, making both PJ and Jonesy look up. “I’m going home.”

“Yeah, I think I should call it a day too,” Evan quickly shot in. “Nothing more we can do today.”

“Right,” PJ said, clearly not missing a beat. He gave her an oddly comforting smile, as if he knew all her troubles and knew they would pass. She wished she had his confidence, as Jonesy put a hand on hers.

“I’ll drive you home,” he said softly, and she didn’t protest. There was something new in the air between them, an understanding she couldn’t quite identify. She just knew she wanted him to come home with her, and stay forever.

When they reached the car, she leaned against the hood for a moment, nausea spreading through her body. She gasped for breath, feeling Evan’s cool hand rest against her neck. She gulped for air, for a moment sure she would drown right there, on dry land.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes,” she replied, hating herself for having the reaction in front of him and grateful he was there at the same time. “We nearly died. My baby would never even have been born.”

She straightened herself and turned, getting a glimpse of the pain flashing over his face. It was just a moment, but she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and taking his head in her hands.

“I’m still here,” she said, as much to herself as to him.

“But you should be in bed,” he replied, the twinkle returning to his eye. He opened the car door with a mock bow, letting her get in before he got in himself.

They drove in silence, little lights everywhere greeting them and farewelling them as they drove past. Watching Evan from the corner of her eye, bathed in moonlight and starlight, Tess found herself wondering if he had always been this beautiful.

Her house was dark and empty when she entered, but she didn’t turn on the lights. Evan remained in the doorway, eyes glittering in the darkness. She could feel the heat of his body even feet away and she longed to feel it against her own.

“I better go,” he said finally, turning. For a moment she was going to let him, but desire flamed up in her and pushed away her fear. She didn’t feel alive yet and tonight she needed to. Death still haunted her mind, the death that could so easily have been hers or his.

“Evan?”

He turned, as if already sensing what she was about to ask. His gaze seemed to burn her skin, penetrating the dark shadows of the room.

“Stay with me?”

“Of course,” he breathed, but made no signs to move away from the door. She stepped towards him, closing the door behind him even as he reached for her and pulled her into an embrace. His fingers made slow patterns on her back, dipping in below her sweater to the exposed skin.

“Warm me,” she muttered as he lifted her up to straddle him, his face nestled against her neck.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about the baby?” he asked hesitantly, pulling back slightly. He looked so earnest in his concern her heart almost hurt.

“It’s fine,” she whispered back, brushing her lips against his tentatively. She felt strangely shy as he carried her across the room, darkness engulfing them as the moonlight was swallowed by a cloud.

They didn’t need the light, hands exploring what eyes could not. His kiss was as warm as she remembered, but it held no urgency this time. He moaned slightly when she tugged as his bottom lip, allowing her to set the pace while he pushed her tenderly down on the bed.

He eased down next to her, wrapping a strong leg around her without ever breaking the kiss. Her lips felt swollen and tingling when he finally lifted his head, looking at her with eyes darkened by desire.

“Warm yet?” he whispered and she shook her head.

“You will be,” he promised and slid a hand across her stomach. “You will be.”

He made love to her slowly, eyes never leaving her face, every touch a caress as gentle as the soft touch of velvet. He never let go of her, not even when he coaxed her into sleep. The last thing she felt was his hands rubbing her stomach carefully, as if he was trying to warm the baby as well.

She slept with her heart feeling warmer than she could ever remember.

(Unfinished)